I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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