the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
