Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
