i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
