And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
