we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
