ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
