guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
