I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
