so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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