i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
