Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
