Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
