A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
