You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
