Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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