You can't motorboat a personality
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
