Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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