i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
