he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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