I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
