She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
