And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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