It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
