Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
