just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
