My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
