It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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