There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
