Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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