we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
