dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
