Don't make out with my wife yet
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
