go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
