Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
