How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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