can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
