The maid of honor just puked.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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