i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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