but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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