i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
