Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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