I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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