May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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