O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
