nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
