whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
