perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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