Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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