Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
