First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
