p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
